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Rock On: New Ute A.D. is out of the house

NO RETURNS

The 30-year-old Camillus, New York, man whose parents evicted him from their house got in a parting jab by calling the police.

Michael Rotondo said he left his son's Legos on the basement floor, but claimed his father wouldn't let him back in the house to retrieve them.

New Ute athletic director Mark Harlan vaguely knows the feeling. He signed a contract extension with South Florida six weeks before taking the Utah job. Don't plan on them letting him back in his office to pick up his pencil sharpener.

EVER EARLY

Harlan was hired on the first day of June, though school officials intimated the appointment would be coming much later in the month.

No truth to rumors the Utes have moved up their Aug. 30 football opener against Weber State to the 28th.

THE UNDERCRUST

University of Utah President Ruth Watkins, noting the school hadn't changed athletic directors for 31 years, said, "We were a little bit rusty."

But enough about the locker rooms at Rice-Eccles …

BAG IT

The Undefeated says LeBron's Game 1 shorts-suit ensemble cost roughly $46,000.

Before jumping to conclusions, it should be noted that $41,000 went for the alligator handbag.

Suits and shorts are one thing, but can everyone agree the days of bringing your gear to the game in a gym bag are officially over?

REALITY LAPSE

Cleveland's J.R. Smith said dribbling out the clock with the score tied in Game 1 was actually a case of trying to clear a shot.

LeBron James is thinking, "Fake news!"

MONEY SHOT

During the first round of The Memorial, Jordan Spieth implored fans: "If everybody could do me a huge favor and not video this shot. Thank you. Sometimes it's cool to actually watch. Please, no phones. Can't have any going off in this shot. Thank you."

"Why didn't I think of that?" said every drunken celebrity ever.

Jordan Spieth watches his tee shot on the 15th hole during the first round of the Memorial golf tournament Thursday, May 31, 2018, in Dublin, Ohio. (AP Photo/David Dermer)

AP

Jordan Spieth watches his tee shot on the 15th hole during the first round of the Memorial golf tournament Thursday, May 31, 2018, in Dublin, Ohio. (AP Photo/David Dermer)

NEVER-ENDING STORY

ESPN and Netflix plan to air a 10-part documentary on Michael Jordan.

Because what the world seriously needs is more stories on Michael Jordan.

JUNK DELIVERY

Hall of Fame pitcher John Smoltz has qualified for the U.S. Senior Open.

Smoltz is already being suspected of doctoring the ball, which has an unnaturally effective bite.

National Baseball Hall of Fame inductee John Smoltz watches the ball during a tournament at Leatherstocking Golf Course on Saturday, July 25, 2015, in Cooperstown, N.Y. Smotlz will be inducted to the hall on Sunday. (AP Photo/Mike Groll)

AP

National Baseball Hall of Fame inductee John Smoltz watches the ball during a tournament at Leatherstocking Golf Course on Saturday, July 25, 2015, in Cooperstown, N.Y. Smotlz will be inducted to the hall on Sunday. (AP Photo/Mike Groll)

A MOOSE-SEE EVENT

An irritable moose chased a couple off the Park City Golf Club course on Memorial Day, forcing them to escape in their cart.

The moose's grazing privileges have been suspended on grounds of violating course etiquette.